I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
