Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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