I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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