Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
