Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
