The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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