Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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