That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
