I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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