bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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