The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
