I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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