My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
