she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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