There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
