It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
