chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
