I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
