if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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