dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
