Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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