You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
