Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
