We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize