I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
