I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
