I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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