He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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