im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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