your thong is hanging out like whoa
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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