The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
