I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
