I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize