even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
