i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
