my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
