You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
