He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
