Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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