I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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