paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
