Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
