How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
