so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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