Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
