Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
