my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
