Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
