i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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