Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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