sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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