We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
