So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
bring money and cleavage
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
True strength comes from lack of pants
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
