no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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