tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
