He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
