seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i think i scared a bird with my dick
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize