you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
