Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
