Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
