I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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