I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
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